Holly and her Violin

Holly's 1/4 Violin she affectionately named Chocolate

Holly and her bow

Holly painstakingly cleans her bow

And her violin

Attepmting to play Twinkle Twinkle Little Star.

Holly go ther violin today. She is very excited to start learning how to play. Somebody get me some ear plugs...LOL...no, really I am very excited.
Looking forward to the C-mas concert.

ad astra per aspera

Who knew my little blog would spark such an amazing opportunity for me? I posted a blog last week about my first day at PLU. It wasn't really anything written with great intelligence, however, it was written with great conviction. I received an E mail the other day from my admissions counselor at PLU. She was forwarded a link to my blog and read the blog I posted on PLU. She commented on how I am famous in certain circles now on campus. I was confused, bewildered, and embarrassed because lets face it, it wasn't exactly a piece for publication. Probing for more information, I inquired as to how she came upon my blog. Apparently, someone in the administration at PLU read my blog. They then forwarded the link to the Vice President of PLU. He read it and forwarded it to Joelle (my admission counselor) who then emailed me. I went to her office to see her and she actually told me that people were now seeking out my blog. So, because of this dumb little blog, I have been given an amazing opportunity. Joelle has asked me if I would speak on behalf of PLU at Transfer Visit Days and at Community College Advisor Day. She is looking for students to share there experiences and perspectives on PLU. I am a little different in that I have had a lot of struggles in my life including surviving domestic abuse, being homeless with Holly until living at Vine Maple Place, and so on. So I think it is rather special for me, someone who, when the chips were down, decided to make her own path, ended up with an honors GPA at a pretigious school like Pacific Lutheran University. Everything in the world was against me from the time I was born, but here I am. There were people in my life who considered me weak because when faced with challenges, I haven't always made the right choices. I wasn't wise enough NOT to end up in a violent abusive relationship. I wasn't wise enough NOT to end up pregnant out of wedlock. I wasn't wise enought to make sure I was financially secure enough NOT to have been homeless. Yet, I was strong enough to make it out of every situation, and I was determined enough to push ahead and reach for my dreams when the only thing I could see on the horizon was darkness, and I am motivated enough to make a success out of my little life. So THANK YOU, whoever read my little blog, Cogito ergo sum, and set the wheels in motion for me to be on a path of success at PLU this early on. Your act of kindness has touched my heart.

Cogito ergo sum

Today was the day that I began Pacific Lutheran University. After sitting in my Christan Ethics class for 30 minutes, we were released to go to opening Convocation. It was amazing. To see all the faculty and professors dressed up in their robes of distinction, to hear them applauding for us - the new students coming in, I felt like I was part of something bigger than myself. President Anderson addressed us and told of of central themes like how to learn what our morality is in the confused world of Batman or how to live life with the themes of the Coldplay song 'Viva la Vida.' He told us how we were now part of a 119 year old tradition and how what we learn in these walls will help us on our future path. I felt inspired. I felt like I had found exactly where I belonged. I am looing forward to my 2 years at PLU. GO LUTES! *Apparently, nobody really knows what a lute is anyways

Second Day of 2nd Grade

Holly's Top Model Pose

Top Model with a Smile

Too Cute not to Post!

These were taken this morning and simply too cute NOT to post!
Watch out world...maybe the world of top modeling isn't ready for a pip squeak like Holly- but Holly is ready for the world of Top Modeling!

Holly's First day of Second Grade

Holly on her first day of 2nd grade

High School Musical backpack from Grandma Alice

Ok Ok, she fell on a curb the other day, thats what the scraps are from

Sitting at her desk, doing work already

"C'mon, mom, stop taking my picture!"

Holly is getting so big! I can't believe that this was her first day of 2nd grade. it seems lie just yesterday that we had the first day of kindergarten! Well, tihs year she is in the Magic Strings program with Mrs. Davis or *Judy* as the kids can call her if they want, and she will be learning how to play the violin. Lets just hope that her violin skills are better then her singing voice - YIKES!

I'm a proud mama of my little girl!

Tears in the Smile - My short story for my Creative Writing Class

Tears in the Smile

As she sat down at her computer, her heart sank to the pit of her stomach like the Heart of the Ocean sank in the water when dropped from the Titanic. Why Mary, oh why can’t he see you for who you are? She felt disgusted, sitting in her co-dependant state pondering relationships past and especially of present. She knew what had to be done. Tears welled up in her chocolate brown eyes as her soft black hair framed her face; her head hung in shame. “Another one bites the dust.” she said aloud. Although her relationship with her boyfriend of two years, Ron, hasn’t ended, she knew in her heart that it was just a matter of time. Earlier that day, Ron lashed out in anger toward Mary, blind-siding her yet again in what any outsider looking in like a fly on the proverbial wall would call a verbally abusive manner. It was all she could do from hysterically crying tears of pain on what was suppose to be a joyous day. Today, her sister Michelle was getting married to a wonderful man named James. James loved Michelle with every ounce of his soul. Mary thought to her self, If only I can find just half of the love Michelle and James share, things might turn out alright for me. She laid her head down on her black lacquered IKEA desk and relived the events of that day.

The alarm on Mary’s phone went off at six a.m. alerting her that it was time to begin her day. She ever so carefully slipped out of Ron’s masculine arms trying not to wake him. She hated leaving him, the musky scent of his sweaty body enticed her and made her want to stay nestled in their warm down comforter right next to him while the bright sun rays shone through the mini blinds. Shadows danced on the carpet, and as much as she hated to leave him, she knew that she had to go. She quietly dressed her naked subtle body in grey and red sweat pants before trying to slip out of their room.
“Where are you going?” Ron inquired as he awakened sleepily. Mary jumped, not expecting him to stir.
“I am going to the store to get a few last minute things for the wedding today. Go back to sleep baby, you don’t need to wake up just yet. I will wake you when I get home so you can go to the barber shop before we leave town.” Mary walked back to their bed, sat down on their cream colored chenille duvet and leaned over to give Ron what he liked to call a squishy kiss on the lips. “I love you baby.” Mary said as she rose to her feet, herself still tired, walking toward the slightly opened bedroom door. She gathered up her belongings and headed to the store in the early morning hours.

When Mary returned an hour later, she was surprised to see Ron awake, sitting in the office with a blank look on his face and tousled hair on his head. “Hi baby, I’m back! What are you doing up?”
“I have to go to the barber!” he angrily snapped back at her. Mary didn’t know what to make of this sudden attitude change. What the hell happened while I was gone?
“Baby, what’s wrong? I told you I would wake you up. Don’t you remember? I told you I would let you know when you had to leave for the barber. He opens at 8 o’clock. Its 7:30 now. We have plenty of time.” Mary tried to keep her tone even. She did not want to upset Ron anymore than he already was. She had seen this personality switch before, she was just uncertain about what instigated it this time.
“No I don’t remember that conversation, so whatever. I’m going to get in the shower and leave. What else do we have to do today?” he asked. Mary gave him an at best guess timeline, knowing that he wanted to know where they had to be down to the minute. As Ron readied himself to go, Mary busied herself around the house, preparing to watch her sister get married. Once Ron left, Mary got into the shower, letting the hot water pound down on her back. I feel like the weight of the world is upon me. I know God doesn’t give us more than we can handle, but how much grief does one person have to take? The steam engulfed Mary’s presence and for a moment, she forgot the impending potential outcome of Ron’s annoyance and allowed herself to enjoy the feeling of her handing rubbing her body with the soap. “Ron’s hands should be doing this. Today is a day to celebrate love.” As Mary said these words, she realized that there was nobody there to hear them. She also realized that Ron rarely celebrated anything she was associated with. He wasn’t social, he hated her friends, and he certainly did not share her idea of fun. Familiar feelings of inadequacy crept up into her consciousness, despite her best efforts to keep them down. Why did she live like this; with a man who every time he looked at her, saw someone flawed, damaged, and unworthy? She appeared so needy when she believed that this was the only man who would love her, if loving her is even what he did.
Mary snapped back to reality, exited the shower, and began to prepare herself for Michelle’s day. Forty-five minutes later, Ron returned home and she waiting for him to walk down the hall so she could perhaps lift his mood with her stunning, sophisticated appearance because Ron always loved to see his sexy baby. “Hey.” Mary said trying to get his attention.
“You look nice.” Ron muttered under his breath. He didn’t look Mary in the face. Ron brushed past her heading into their room because, thanks to the barber, they were now fifteen minutes behind schedule. Ron got dressed quickly and efficiently, wearing the clothes that Mary kindly laid out on the bed for him. Once Ron emerged from the bedroom, round one between the two of them began.
“What the fuck is the matter with you.” Mary asked him, not bothering to hide her annoyance anymore. She was going to figure this out before she let him ruin another one of her days.
“I don’t know; nothing. I am just reacting to my environment. I am tired of doing things I don’t want to do. I feel coiled and finally, this morning, my spring just snapped. I don’t know why, I don’t know what set it off, I can’t even articulate it.” Ron responded. “I don’t even know why you would say that to me, I am not doing anything to you.”
“Not doing anything to me? You completely disregarded my presences. We live together, in a relationship. I am here. Why don’t you see me?” Mary asked.
“I…am…trying….very hard…to treat you in a manner that you won’t find offensive. I am tired of altering my attitude so you won’t be offended. You are just too much drama.” With that, Ron walked out of the door.
Mary followed him in silence, the tears ready to fall onto her pink cheeks. Her heart was shattered again. It had been broken before, then pieced back together and held in place with the emotional equivalent of flimsy scotch tape. However, Mary understood that just because the stores advertise that you can’t see the seams of the tape on the Christmas present, it doesn’t mean it isn’t there. The seams of her heart appeared to be mended, but in actuality, her heart was as fragile as the seventy-five dollar crystal punch bowl she carried in her arms. One wrong move and if that bowl fell to the ground, it would never be able to be fixed. Her heart now lay on the ground, trampled on and wounded. Will my heart ever feel whole again?

The car ride was silent. Ron drove which was unusual because he had a tendency to almost completely fall asleep at the wheel as if he was a narcoleptic or something. However, he wanted to drive and Mary wanted to avoid round two. Half way to their destination, however, round two commenced.
“I don’t know how to make you happy. Everything I do is shit. I keep pushing my feeling aside and sucking it up and its never any good.” Ron exclaimed.
“Ron, you barely spoke to me this morning. It was like I wasn’t even there. Why are you treating me this way? You told me I looked nice, but you didn’t even look at me.” Mary retorted.
“I DID FUCKING LOOK AT YOU!” Ron screamed. Mary jumped at his reaction and internally feared that Ron might haul off and hit her even though he didn’t have a history of doing that. It was a past relationship that was physically violent which made her scared when any man raised his voice to her. They both silenced themselves again, until arriving at the home of James and Michelle. Mary exited the car and ran up stairs. Immediately looking herself in their bathroom, Mary lost it. She broke down and fits of hysterics because she had hoped the day wouldn’t come to this. Knowing that her prolonged presence in the bathroom would alert Ron to her unstable emotions, Mary quickly dried off her eyes and pulled herself together.
“We’re here.” She yelled to anyone who would listen. She was greeted by her son to be brother-in-law. “Top o’ the morning to you, Mary. What’s going on?” James excitedly expressed. This was just the type of corny colloquial response she expected to hear from him. Although he had been previously married, he acted as if he was a virgin on his twenty-first birthday who was about to get laid.
“I’m just here to drop off what you need. I’m heading over now to be with the bride! See you soon.” With that, Mary departed. She walked silently back to the vehicle and got in. Ron continued to drive in silence, slightly brushing her hand with his as if an attempted to make everything better. Mary gave him a half smile, hoping to try and salvage the day. She wasn’t even sure that was possible.
Mary knocked softly on the door. “Are you ready in there?” Michelle opened the door and looked stunning in her simple white halter wedding gown. She was wearing the diamond heart pendant that Mary had given her. The sisters looked at one another in such a way that words did not have to be spoken. Michelle grabbed her bouquet and Mary picked up the train of her dress. The pair headed downstairs. Mary walked through the beautifully decorated garden. The trees flowed with a white organza material that sparkled in the sunlight of the early afternoon. Fresh flowers and rose petals lined the aisle and even the guests wore an expression on their faces that spoke to the joy of the day. Mary took her place next to Ron, who had saved a seat for her. As the music played and Michelle walked down the aisle toward her forever, tears streamed heavily down Mary’s cheek. She smiled ever so proudly because today her little sis was starting her family. Mary caught a glimpse of Ron and wished that this is how their story would end. After the ceremony, everyone in attendance laughed and ate and wished their congratulations to the happy couple. Mary simply stood silently and let her tears hide behind her smile.

Ron and Mary drove home, again in silence. Mary took advantage of the time to think heavily about changing her life. She had come to realizations that had been more than cemented today regarding her future with Ron. Once they arrived home, they both changed out of their wedding attire. “Thank you for coming with me. I know it was horrendous for you. I really appreciate it.” Mary said quietly to Ron. She was determined to end the fighting and pull herself out of her self-pity party.
“You’re welcome.” Ron replied back.
Mary then walked into her office and sat in her favorite chair, and began to ponder on how to do what she knew she needed to.

Mom's Visit

Us having Dinner at the Melting Pot - Kirsten is taking the picture

My mom and Holly at hte Tulip Festival - thanks to the snow, we were too early to see the good stuff

Up near my old stomping grounds on Whidbey Island - I actually made my mom HIKE

Down on the Oregon Coast - Again, my old stomping grounds of Astoria


So as promised....here are some pictures from my mom's last visit to WA in April. Took for FOREVER to get them off my camera! My mom will be coming for another visit in a week or two! This time we hope to make it up to the Bite of seattle because I have never been there!

Love you Mom.

Another Writing Sample from Creative Writing.

Enjoy!

The Ghost of the Past Lives Here

The opaque darkness is always present and bone-chilling in this place that no one can seem to make heads or tails of. Many have tried but try as they might, all they have is a best guess for what is going on here. My doctor will admit that fact does not prevail and truth is open for interpretation. I close my eyes and see a helpless blackness until a vivid memory begins to play over and over like a movie. Sometimes the movie I watch is pleasant, reminding me of favorable times that bring a smile to my face or a happy tear to my eye. Other times the movie is haunting and even if I open my eyes in terror, the movie plays on. That is when I realize that no matter how far I have come, the ghost of the past lives here.
The thumping sound of rhythmic beating like the eternal ticking of a clock is reliable; it has never ceased thus far. The warm blood flows. Thick. I have a choice. I can feel light or I can feel heavy. When I feel light, I am surrounded by sun rays and daisies. When I feel heavy, though, I am surrounded by water, and I am drowning. I fight and fight to reach air and breathe but I can not. The darkness becomes eternal as suddenly I find my self locked in a cold cell. Have I died? How can I explain being surrounded by water in one moment and in another being locked in a jail? I can't, but nonetheless, here I am. The bars are made of cold, sharp steel that cuts into my hands making them bleed the reddest version of my blood that I have ever seen. Those bars are so strong that I can not escape them. I am trapped in the helpless with nothing but my thoughts. That is when I realize, no matter where I am, the thoughts will follow. The ghost of the past lives here.
Her office is inviting with her Remembrant paintings hung high with pride. Knowledge is overtly displayed with every leather-bound book penned by a Ph.D that is showcased in the mahognany bookcase. I sit comfortably in my chair with anxious feelings about what we will speak of today. My mind is rushing. Do I tell her? What will she say? What will she think? Why, God, am I sitting here? I have to escape but I can't. This is not a new situation, however. I have seen her before. Why would today's session be any different than last week's or the week before. It isn't. Anxiously I stand to my feet and reach for the door. Doctors have always made me nervous, and she is no different from those that came before her. But before I reach for the cold steel of the doorknob, trepidaously as if one grab will open the bleeding wounds on my imagined palms, she enters. After a moment, she tells me that our time is finished. She has done all that she can for me. It is now time for me to go into the world and live my life. Today. Not the life of yesteryear. How can I though, when in my mind and in my heart, the ghost of the past lives here?
"Dear child, the ghosts will always live here. They will never go away. Still, you have the strength to live at peace with your ghosts, as we all do. Go child, and prosper." she said to me.
She turned and walked out of her colorful office with her expensive paintings and books that mock me. I didn't know if I believed her, but I had to try. That's when I realized, no matter who we are, the ghost of the past lives here.

My First Writng Sample for my Creative Writing Class

I hope you guys enjoy it. Leave some comments!

The Woman in Me

When they say piles of poop stand taller than her, they were not lying. She is five feet even and although she is a squirt of a woman, I look up to her, both physically and figuratively. I’ve seen her physical appearance change through the years as I have changed with time. Her extremely fine dirty blond hair has been at times long, short, straight, and curly. It has been all shades of blond, brown, and red. The color did not matter to me. My favorite style was long and straight which made her rosy cheeks and golden green eyes sparkle; reminiscent of the days of her youth, before life and its challenges jaded her perception which took the sparkle away. Today, her hair is short and red. I believe hair is like a favorite pair of shoes that are worn until one day a new shiny pair commands attention. I am not fond of the “shoes” she chooses to wear these days. Time has been kind to her face as the wisdom of her years is not immediately reflected in the creases of her skin. When I look at her, I hope that life will bestow its kindness upon me, that I may retain my youthful look so that one might have to gaze deep into my eyes to see the wisdom of my years as I have to do to her. The most interesting physical feature she possesses is her hands. I’ve seen these hands before. They are the hands of my great grandmother, my grandmother, and my self. They are small yet strong. They are capable of so much and nothing at all. At times, they have held the world in their pale, creased palms.

Aside from her physical appearance, she has a “jene se qua.” Her presence commands attention when she enters a room. As a child I found an annoyance with her boisterous personality and inability to shut up. I thought of her as a typical New Yorker: loud, outspoken, and un-educated. As an adult, her sweet voice of concern still grates on my last nerve at times, but is, nonetheless, welcomed in my life. When I look in the mirror, I see her five-foot glory condensed into my four foot, ten inch body. She passed down to me not only her genetic trait of midget-ness but everything I ran away from as a kid. She has become and always was the woman in me. I began to appreciate her experiences of growing up in the poverty-stricken streets of Brooklyn which inspired an attitude of confidence that seems to transcend the expectation of anyone who meets her. I began to see how she stands as tall as she can and does not allow anyone to stand in her way. I understand why she fights vigorously for what she believes in. I felt compassion when she fell down teaching me to see her as the most imperfect person I know. Her loud voice, the one I hear in my deepest thoughts rings endlessly in my ears, reminding me of her faults which then helps me avoid mistakes of my own. She started out weak but over time has gained the inner strength that can not be knocked down. All of her achievements, the smell of sweet success, and all of her mistakes made her who she is today. She is a woman. She is a friend. She is my mother.

Back to School

So my week break is offically up. I was very sick at the beginning of it but now all is well - health wise atleast! School starts tomorrow - Summer Quarter - Then right after that - PLU here I come. Nothing is really new. Rob is coming for the summer. Not really sure how thats going to work out or even how I want it too. The war does change people, sadly, and absence does not always make the heart grow fonder. Sadly. Whatever happens, I am sure I will come out of it stronger and with a better sense of self. I have tremendous goals I am working toward so that is exciting. And....I have offically chosen the grad school I am dying to go to...NYU! Ofcourse I will apply to many many different schools but that is the gem in the crown of the school I want to finish my studies at. OK...Happy Summer everyone!

Busy Girl

So I have been completely busy with finishing this quarter and Rob coming back home. Things have been insane!

I am just about done with school. I have two more finals to take then 10 days of bliss. Holly is one week from completely the first grade...where does the time go? Rob is back in LA but coming back up for the summer as soon as he takes care of personal life business that has been ongoing for the past few years. As for me, after my 10 day vacation, back to school for the summer. I am taking History, Psych, and Creative Writing. Then in fall.....PLU!!!!!

I couldn't be happier about finally going to University. Once PLU is finished...hopefully I will be accepted to the graduate program at New York Univeristy.

Well, that is all. I have a new cell number...you all should have gotten a text with it. If not, email me and lets hang out!

Melancholy Mommy

I am just tired today. The first week of classes is over, and oh, did I mention I HATE my classes. I hate Anthropology - really what WAS I thinking when I took it a few years ago? I am only taking it again to get that horrible 0.0 off of my transcript. As for my lit class - WOW, my teacher ACTS lie she would be teaching a woman's lit class - very energetic and Bubbly, I want to smack her. Kenny is gone this weekend. My mom comes tomorrow and divorce papers have finally been filed. July 7th 2008, I will have my freedom of legal singleness coming. Its only took 3 years, right? Things are yoyo-ing with Rob again. Holly hurt her big toe, and somebody we all know did something ONCE AGAIN to hurt me and was very un-Christain-like. I was thinking about grace the other day. I try to be a person full of grace because much grace was given to me. Then I was thinking, are we just suppose to give grace freely? I mean, I know we give grace to a person when they want grace or need grace and are truly sorry for their actions but what about when someone does something to hurt us and they think they are in the right? No apology, no nothing - are we still obligated to give them grace? Anyway, I am melancholy tonight. I was hurt deeply in an email (different person) and now I am just going to sleep until my mom comes....dinner with Kirsten tomorrow night - finally a bright spot in my otherwise gloomy day.

Walking in a Winter Wonderland!

The snow this morning

My jetta - Covered in snow

The trees are so pretty

What we will inevitably be drinking

So, If April showers bring May flowers, then isn't March suppose to go in like a lion and come out like a lamb? The only Lamb-like quality March is sharing with the furry animals is the color white! What the heck is going on? I can tell you, I am really wishing right now that I was hanging out in San Antonio where it is 87 degrees today! Isn't the grass greener on the other side though? In SA, I wished for snow - we'll I finally got my wish. I wonder how long this will last us? I do hope that it is goine before Monday which is my first day of classes for Spring quarter.

I will tell you why this happened....its becuase I bought vute wedge sandals....This is Mother Nature's cruel way of telling me it is NOT wedge sandal season quite.....yet!

Open House at Kibler

Holly showing us an experiment involving balance and counter-weight

She wore her badge as our official "tour guide" proudly

Her writing journal and an exciting story of the "Mississippi Hippo"

Where she has PE and eats lunch

Holly and her Green Eggs and Ham

So Kibler had its open house last night ad Holly was MORE than prepared to be our tour guide. She was excited and definitely had her way on how she wanted the tour to go. We saw her math projects which is is right on point in that subject and her writing journals which showed definite improvement on her spacing and use of lower-case letters. Her reading is almost at a third grade level cause she practices and practices! Holly loves learning - just like mommy! and hates to see school end. I hope that this zest for learning continues before school will inevitably beat it out of her. We love Kibler and Mrs. McGrath, Holly's teacher. First grade is almost over...second grade is on the horizon!

Easter

Easter Sunday - Holly and her little smirk is like "C'mon, mom, Take the picture!"

Me and my baby!

This is her "Top Model" Pose

Holly with Jake and Alexx

So we got to spend Easter Sunday at John and Kirsten's house. It was a great time! They came to my church so we got to worship together, then we made our way in the rain back home to start cooking. was making my famous Crown Roast and we had baked brie and wine for appetizers. Kirsten made these awesome brie potatoes, asparagus, and baby sweet peas. Since it took like 3 hours for the roast to cook, Kirsten and I got to sit around, eat and drink and just have a great time visiting with one another! It was definitely better than sitting around at home cooking for someone who doesn't appreciate it. That would be Kenny, who is still my roommate until Rob comes home in June. But all in all, the Easter Bunny left Holly and I a surprise at Kirsten's - hmmm what a surprise.....and I am thankful that I got to spend this awesome day with my friend!

Girls Night out!

Me and Kirsten - We went to the Melting Pot in Seattle to celebrate our birthdays!
Fondue is GOOD!
Kirsten! She truely is my best friend. I am so thankful for her in my life. She has never faltered or failed me and in my darkest hour, she was there witha flashlight! We had a fantastic time at our dinner and it was nice to just get out without the kids! I can't even begin to tell people what Kirsten means to me, but I'll try. Kirsten is kind and generous. She always has a smile even when things are crappy! She is a great mom and a good wife. She brings out everything that is good in me.

I love you girl!

Holly's First Pet

This is Striker. He is Holly's first real pet. He is a Fat-tailed Geiko that we got from our friends' pet store Pets N Things in Auburn
Holly seems to love Striker and Striker loves Holly. Together they make a good match.
I am not a tradional pet kinda gal. I don't really care for cats or dogs - although, Rob is a dog guy so I think we will eventually get a dog! But I figured it was time to upgrade Holly from fish - which aren't "real" pets, they are like "pre-pets" to something better! We love the new addition to our family!

Grades are HERE!

I am SO excited! It just goes to show that hard work really DOES pay off! My science friend Jon told me that were grades posting today...so of course, the minute my little mascara -crusted eyes Bing open, what is the first thing I think? Now, this was a tough quarter because I was taking classes I didn't want to take. I was taking Intro to Logic which SUCKED! Literally, this class had me on an emotional roller coaster. The first half of the class was so tough and the second half of the class was awesome, but my teacher, who was indeed a character, didn't really teach things. All of our homework was on the computer and we just broke into groups to do group work. I didn't mind the group work, its just that we'd have to get up and explain the proofs and there was a huge international population represented in this class. So trying to listen to someone who speaks broken English explain the rules in which we derived the conclusion was...oh...next to IMPOSSIBLE! Then there was Math which everyone knows I am mentally handicapped when it comes to this subject. But fortunately, I was able to take the same instructor that I had taken previously, so I knew it would be OK. Then finally Geology. This one was dicey as I hadn't taken a science class in 15 years. But I loved my instructor and she made me realize that I have a weird, unexplainable love of science...we'll see if my astronomy teacher mirrors the same effect. Well, so I make my way to the computer and I am mentally telling myself I didn't do so well.... Good thing because when I opened my transcripts and saw my grades.....I was even HAPPIER than ever! I got a 4.0 in all three classes! I worked my butottie off and its showed! I seriously can't wait for next quarter!

An Excerpt from My Book!

For those of you who were looking for the blog on my book...weird....I don't know why it wasn't there, but here is the excerpt again..... The Father of my Child: A Creep The following account was taken from a paper that I had written in my freshmen English class in college. I will elaborate more in regards to Ray and his alcoholism. While my step father's mother was an alcoholic, it wasn't something discussed among the family and I wasn't taught about it. People who knew Ray tried to tell me he was addict but I was in denial and refused to believe them. I relied on the feelings in my heart. All I understood about Ray was that he had a troubled past and a turbulent childhood. I knew what that felt like so I thought I could save him. I didn't want to change him to be the man I wanted; I simply wanted to show him that he could have a successful life without drugs and booze. I didn't really understand that alcoholism was considered a disease and addicts needed treatment. My inexperience in dealing with that disease combined with an idealistic heart lead me into the situation that I'm about to share. The Girl in the Mirror The sun was hot, and I was still recovering from my boyfriend's verbal beat-down from the night before. I sat alone in my hammock thinking about the events of the previous night. Ray came in shouting at me that I was no good to him and I was a horrible mother. It was all I could do not to breathe in the foul odor of whatever alcohol was on his breath when he was yelling in my face. His attacked turned physical as he made his point, this time with a plate of spaghetti flying across the room at me. I moved in time for the red sauce to miss me and splatter across the wall behind our bed. Ray passed out, and I noticed the time was 2 a.m. I scrubbed the sauce's crimson strains off of the white wall. Upon finishing, I slowly washed my hands in the sink and took a long look in the mirror. Ii did not recognize the girl staring back at me. The girl I saw was pathetic. Her eyes, once bright and full of life were now swollen and empty. Hair that was once long and shiny was now dull and matted. Her petite frame resembled her spirit – broken and lost. It was hard for me to believe I was the girl in the mirror, and as I looked at myself, I remembered being a girl who was so strong. I had survived falling down a flight of stairs and getting stitches in my skull when I was five. When I was in third grade, I beamed proudly when I won the school-wide story telling contest. On the day of my high school graduation, I stood proudly in my royal purple gown and gleaming gold cap graduating a one year early with honors. When my cousin called me to tell me that her boyfriend was beating her, I was the same girl who took pity on her. I gave her the most logical advice I could. I told her to leave him. As I sat on the hammock in the heat, I allowed my mind to remember the person I was and the same question in my mind kept arising. I wondered when I had stopped being so strong. Cries from my daughter's room brought me back into reality. Holly had woken up from her nap. I sighed sadly because I had no strength left to be a mother. My eyes were sunken, and the circles under them from a lack of sleep were dark and bruised-looking. I grabbed Holly and entrusted her care to Ray, her father, who had been drinking. I collapsed on my bed and fell asleep from sheer exhaustion and a lack of will to go on. Upon waking, I was sticky and drenched because someone had forgotten to turn on the air conditioning in the hot Texas heat. The house was silent. Frantic, I jumped up to find an empty house and a missing car. Beads of sweat were pouring from my forehead from intense panic as I dialed Ray's mother's cell number. When Donna answered she informed me that they had taken my car for an oil change and would be home soon. She also assured me that Ray wasn't driving. Trusting her, I waited on my porch for their return. When my car pulled into the driveway, Ray was indeed driving. When Ray and Donna got out of the car, the smell of beer reeked from every pore in his body. Engulfed by rage, I mustered up every ounce of self-control I had and followed them into the house. An animal instinct took over, and all I wanted was to protect my five month old little girl. When Donna was finished with putting Holly down for her nap, I made my way in her direction. I began to yell at her, asking her how she dare allow Ray to drive my car and reminding her that he could have killed Holly. Before Donna could respond, our showdown was cut short. Without warning, strong hands fiercely grabbed me and swung me around. Before I could blink, I felt the severe sting of Ray's hand slide effortlessly across my face. Ray picked me up and threw me on the bed. Straddling me so I couldn't move, he continued to slap me despite my cries. I gazed into his eyes, and with every ounce of love I had, I pleaded silently for him to stop. His brown eyes starred back at me loveless, lifeless, and void. I clawed and scratched to escape from his grip. As I ran, he grabbed me by my hair and swung me around again. Before I could get away, he kicked me in the stomach. I heard cries coming from Holly's room, and I fought Ray with everything I had so that I could get to my baby and comfort her. Like a storm, Ray continued to pummel me even though I had Holly in my arms. Having no choice, I passed Holly off to Donna and prayed for her safety. I found refuge in the bathroom and with phone in hand, I dialed 911. I spoke quickly in hushed whispers begging the operator to send help. Ray broke down the door and dragged me out by my hair. Furious at my evading his advances, he slammed my head into the wall. Slowly, like a dream, everything became black. When I regained consciousness, I heard loud blaring sirens piercing the air. The police and paramedics were in the house. Holly was safe and Ray was going to jail. It took all the strength in my body to stand up. Finding the wall, I desperately clung to it and trusted it would not let me fall. I was beaten, bloody, and bruised. I caught my glimpse in the mirror before picking up my daughter. I couldn't believe I was the girl in the mirror. As I wiped away my tears, Holly's eyes sparkled and danced. She cooed and laughed at me; I must have looked funny to her. Her little grip tightened around my finger. With a half-hearted chuckle I let out a sigh. When had I become the girl who let her boyfriend beat her? I stood there defeated and it was obvious that Ray had won the battle. I made the decision to win the war. Ten months passed before my exodus came. My days with filled with school and my nights were filled with work. Exhaustion had become my middle name. I knew the time to leave him was approaching. The perfect day was April 26, 2002. I worked at the bar until four that morning. As I drove home, the sounds of drunken people singing bad karaoke filled my head. Once I was home, I checked on Holly and then slipped into my cold king sized bed. Tired and alone, I drifted off to the safe place in my dreams I visited often daring to imagine a different life. Three hours later cries pierced the air and I bolted up from my sleep. Ray was taking care of the baby. I stumbled sleepily out to the living room to see what was wrong. He wanted me to wake up and take care of Holly. I needed my sleep though because I was due back at work in six hours. He gave me attitude about getting more rest. I asked him if he fed Holly and his best response was something to the effect of he thought she had some cheese. I told him it would be fine for him to get rest and asked him to sleep in the spare room because I had laundry to do and I didn't want to disturb him. Ray agreed and as soon as he went to bed I put my plan in motion. I grabbed only what I could which was a week's worth of clothes for Holly and her birth certificate. Muttering some excuse to Ray about going to the bank, I quietly slipped out of the house. Fear consumed me as I went about my business acting as if this was a normal day. I put Holly in her car seat and slowly drove my burgundy Saturn away. I starred straight ahead and when I was sure I was safe, I pulled over. I opened my wallet and counted a few crisp green bills. Two and half years of my life and all I left with was $968.00. Holly and I got on the freeway that day and headed north without anyone being the wiser. I never looked back. Driving away, I thought about the beginning of my love affair with Ray. I reminisced about meeting Ray in Alaska. I had fallen for Ray the night I let me drive his snowmobile. I stepped on the gas and opened it up to ninety miles an hour. I had never felt this free as the cold wind brushed through my hair. Ray way cheering me on to go faster and I did. When I stopped, Ray held my frozen face with his mitten-covered hands and kissed me. He told me how proud he was of the way the drove the snowmobile. Even though it was ten degrees below zero the sound of his words melted my heart. At that moment, we looked up and saw brilliant colors dance across the sky. I never knew the Northern Lights could be so breath-taking. I remember what a great time in my life that was. Alaska was the most beautiful thing I had ever seen and love was the only absolute truth I knew. Love, however, is not an absolute truth. The further Holly and I drove, the quicker those memories faded and the easier it became the childish ideology that love conquers all. Driving away I looked in my vanity mirror and saw the girl starring back. The girl I saw was fragile but determined. Nothing was going to stop her and nothing was going to scare her. Her eyes which were once empty now showed a new hope. Hair that was dull now shone in the morning light. A spirit that was broken had now become renewed. It was hard for me to believe I was the girl in the mirror but I was and I was proud to be. The Outcome This story represents the worst part of Ray. Our relationship was damned from the beginning. I could tell stories of how he almost shot me when he stole a gun from the President of the Hell's Angels' house or how he'd leave me alone with all day morning sickness while I was pregnant with our daughter. He had an addiction to drugs and led me down a dark path to cocaine addiction. He told me that he was going to kill himself the day Holly was born, and he did not come home for the first three weeks of her life. This caused me to have to go back to stripping two weeks after having a caesarean section in order to put food on the table. Clearly his abuse was not only physical but mental and emotional as well which in my opinion are the worst kinds. I learned a valuable lesson from the time I spent with Ray. I learned how to know and trust myself. I have the drive to overcome any situation no matter how bleak it may look. Ray is currently sober thanks to medication but sobriety hasn't changed the man he is. I relocated back to Texas so that my daughter my have a chance to know her biological father. Ray was excited to be given a second chance. Sadly, in the end, he does not make any attempt to see his daughter. I can't say I am surprised.

100 Things About Me

So I am "borrowing" this idea from my friend Emily and I challenge you who read my blog to do this too. Its a great way to get to know someone. 1. I hated the color pink until I was 22 years old and now its my 2nd favorite color 2. I love to steal the whipped cream off of someone elses' hot coco 3. I haven't seen my natural hair color in 15 years 4. I love to pick scabs 5. I once sprained my ankle by trying to do a cartwheel on a trampoline 6. I lived in Alaska 3 different times 7. Seven is my favorite number 8. I never play the lottery but I love bingo 9. I'm an avid white water rafter but I don't know how to swim 10. My profile pic was taken in the Black Diamond Cemetary that my friend Jason and I toured for a project in my Sociology of Death and Dying class 11. I try to have no regrets 12. I believe everything happens for a reason 13. My favorite movie when I was 16 years old was Buffy the Vampire Slayer 14. I finally want to have more children 15. I got my first scar when I was 5 years old from falling down a flight of stairs 16. I use to have Debbie Gibson records 17. I thought Jesus would come back before 80's fashion did - I was wrong 18. I hate being wrong 19. It is very hard to say "I'm Sorry" 20. I love anything with glitter 21. I went through a gothic phase when I was 20 22. I have absolutly no "gay-dar" whatsoever! 23. McDonald's was my first job 24. I skipped 11th grade 25. Marianne actually snuck me into graduation 26. I didn't go to my senior prom 27. The only energy drink I will drink is red bull - it gives me wings 28. I use to want to be a nun 29. I never knew my Uncle Lou very well 30. I miss my Aunt June everyday 31. I am searching my mind for things to write 32. I have always wanted to be a writer 33. I believe the eyes are the windows to the soul 34. I can seperate a person from their behavior 35. I believe there is good in ALL people 36. Trust is a valuable thing often lost and mis-treated 37. There aren't many KIND people in the world anymore 38. I always wanted to move to Hollywood and be a star 39. I believe books will never become obsolete 40. I am a very shy person 41. I do care what people think of me 42. I am a loyal friend 43. Tuesdays with Morrie replaced The Catcher in the Rye as my favorite book in 2006 44. My two passions are helping people and music 45. Kids really will say the darndest things 46. I don't know if I spelled darndest correctly 47. Holly really did save my life 48. I don't have a very addictive personality 49. I have had about $9,000 worth of comestic surgery 50. If I had it all do to over, I wouldn't change a thing 51. I wear a size 5 1/2 in shoes 52. All the cute shoes start in size 6 53. I'm playing on running a marathon in 2008 54. I want to be considered a philanthropist 55. I still sing in my hairbrush in front of a make-believe audience 56. If I could be a rock star tomorrow, I would 57. If my testimony touches just one heart, then all the pain I've endured in my life was worth it 58. I believe people should find their passion and live it 59. I hate racism 60. My favorite flower is white roses 62. I skipped 61 to see if you would notice 63. I secretly loved being a Rocker are Hard Rock Cafe 64. I've noticed I have more random facts than I thought 65. I hate wearing underwear and rarely do 66. I like to sleep in the buff so don't rob my house 67. I am not really close to anyone in my family except my mom 68. I hate wearing flats - they make me look short 69. I lose my patience easily 70. My biological father is actually from the Dominican Republic, not Puerto Rico 71. I was married for 5 months when I was 18 72. I like pulp in my orange juice 73. I hate jarred spaghetti sauce 74. I once passed out face down in the snow 75. I've seen the Northern Lights 76. I believe education is key to changing social and financial status 77. I was born in 1977 78. I once dated someone 8 years my junior 79. I'm glad I am almost finished 80. Sometimes I sit and read the Thesuraus 81. Tapioca is my favorite pudding 82. I don't believe that Love conquers all things 83. I can sometimes be materialistic 84. I don't like animals very much 85. I have taken over 12 different kinds of drugs 86. I am not that person anymore 87. I think if we constantly look behind us, we'll drive into the wall in front of us 88. I tell myself I'm beautiful every single day 89. I was once Stormer in my Jem and the Holograms band 90. I think SBC is better than Starbucks although I won't drink coffee without 26 sugars 91. I exaggerate A LOT 92. I think you can tell a lot about a person by who their friends are 93. Fairness should be pursue by all even if you don't have something to gain 94. Watching Holly is like watching my self....Oh Boy! 95. Marianne just called me 96. I gave my heart to Jesus when I was 16 at a New Years Eve event in Tacoma called the Nerd Ball 97. I hate chocolate 98. I don't believe blonds have more fun 99. I want to be a demonologist 100. I believe in all my friends